Hi lads, OG Golden Pony winner (have I ever mentioned that before?) Nato here, always a pleasure.
Just got back from Thailand. You’ll no doubt be surprised to read that as a middle aged, straight, white, bald man I spent most of my time in and around Pattaya. While the siren’s songs of Patts are well known to many that have visited the Land of Smiles, I was actually there at a fight camp. Well, truth be known I was getting the shit knocked out of me by people that can actually fight, but I enjoyed myself. Lost a bit of weight and sharpened my skills, mostly from running away from stray dogs and parrying the groping hands of ladyboys, but if you can dodge their wrench, you can dodge their balls. Next time we catch up (will we ever make it as a group to Derby Day?) I’ll show you where one got me in the neck with a stiletto point. Grateful to say that was the only time I was penetrated this trip.
Strange way to open the comp intro, and I can hear the questions now, how’s he going to link Pattaya and punting?
While I’ve been a degenerate punter for decades, I’m relatively new to the ownership game. I mentioned how much I enjoyed living vicariously through three-time Golden Pony winner Rodda’s involvement with Subpoenaed. Next thing I’ve got an offer to get involved in what was sold to me as a throw at the stumps. I figured I’d only be setting fire to my wallet with some other poor life choice, what’s the worse that happens?
I forgot about the horse, to be honest. Then after a lengthy period the updates start coming through. She’s named WELCOMETOBARBADOS (google search welcome to Jamaica joke to understand her name). I’m added to a group chat with the other owners, a lovely bunch (and one very peculiar human we really need to join the comp, it would be unbridled chaos, but in a good way). She starts training, she trials, she races, she wins, she places, she wins again, and eventually qualifies for the Provincial Championships. We ordered hats! Some of the owners showed great restraint, some loosened the lid. Privately, I blew it fair off.
Now when I say ‘blew it fair off’ I mean in the ‘once a housing commission kid always a housing commission kid’ kind of way. Money flows through me like water through a tap, it’s a terrible relationship. As an example, about 18 months ago the then bike suffered a terminal engine failure, quote was 8k to fix, so I dropped 30k on an entirely new bike. Still got the fucked one in the shed, unrideable, and barely riding the new one, all while paying for the registration, insurance and loans for 2 bikes. NatoEconomics at its finest.
Fraught with danger and against even my own poor judgement I did the numbers for what my share WOULD be WHEN she won the Provincial Final. Fukkin not behd, good soize! Well, she’s as good as won already, I might as well spend the money that’s definitely coming and nothing could possible go wrong. Remember, NatoEconomics!
I emailed fight camp, let them know I was extending 2 weeks. I rang Qantas because I couldn’t change the dates online, figured while I was there, I’d move a few seats forward into premium economy too (fuckers charged me $75 for doing it over the phone). Was feeling generous and put a crossword scratchy in mum’s birthday card, which I then scratched myself (won $7, paid for postage, win!). Had to stump up for my own accommodation for Gather Round after my sister pulled out of that trip, but no worries, the filly will pay for that.
Then it all went to shit. She was scratched three days out from the race!!.
I was in the office when the text came through. Ultimately, for all my improvements in social decorum and personal hygiene, I let it slip out. The C word. The word we can use in the chat, yes, but not in the office. The word we can use when greeting an old mate, yes, but not in the office. The word mum screamed in her sister’s face on Christmas Day about 10 years ago (she actually said it twice and was poking her in the chest), yes, but not in the office. And it was loud. An entire floor of people went quiet, you could’ve heard a pin drop. One of the girls physically flinched, like I’d raised my fist at her. Wasn’t great.
There was a lot to process, and that’s before the head of division asked me to stop in for a chat about behaviours and conduct. I told her the story. I think the tears helped a bit.
I couldn’t articulate the strange emotion I was feeling, but it was grief. Grief for my wallet, grief for the winnings that were never coming (let alone what I stood to collect from taking her in early markets), grief for the death of a story guaranteed to get the juices of every bar girl in Pattaya going. And then I felt another emotion.
I was ashamed at myself. My hubris and arrogance. I was wallowing in my grief, and I’d given little thought to the horse and her wellbeing. Such a small thing when she started, she had little right to have gotten to where she was. But she did absolutely everything that had been asked of her, dragged us all along on this amazing journey, and then through no fault of her own, her moment, not my moment, was taken away.
Lots to reflect on there. Someone here is cutting onions.
As with most things in life this wasn’t the end, it was just the end of a chapter. Of a few things, really. I didn’t have the big revelatory ‘I’m quitting my job and going full Colonel Kurtz up the delta’ moment when I was in Thailand that I thought I might, but it gave me a lot to think about. The filly’s surgery went well, she was spoiled rotten while recovering, and she’s just back in training last week. We’re targeting a few races late spring. Good thing too, I just booked another Thailand trip. Will stick with economy this time. Unless I’m leading this comp with a few rounds to go, then I’ll upgrade. Still got a few months before I start paying interest to Harvey Norman, all good boys!
One last thing before I sign off and hand over to Merc for the usual admin spiel. As is my obligation as the original winner (yeah nah I haven’t mentioned that before) I’d like to acknowledge Snake as the 2024 Golden Pony. Using his secret powers (60% of the time they work every time) he found outstanding value playing with house money and slithered into win on the last day, beating out Rusty and Brockylogan. Looking at the honour roll there’s now TWO elongated, limbless and cylindrical animals that have won this thing, how many punters clubs around the world can say that!?!?!
Merc here now, if that story doesn’t get you hard for some spring punting and tipping then nothing will! I’ll keep this short. Nothing has really changed from last year, the rules are the same the length of the comp is the same too. For the newcomers, you can read the full set of rules here. A few extra races have been added to the tipping calendar by the Vics and I also note that some of those PVL pop-ups have been given Group status. The rule of thumb is if the race is a Group 1 or worth a million, it goes in. Currently I have a whopping 49 races in the calendar over 14 rounds of tipping! You can check it out on the website.
As usual, please forward to any degenerate mates you may have. The more the merrier. And if they would like to be added to the WhatsApp group please let me know and I will add them (just warn them that it’s not for the fainthearted). You don’t need to be in the chat to enjoy the comp – I will still send the weekly emails. Also please start thinking about a Group 1 catch up during the spring carnival. I will put a poll out with the first round of tipping to gauge interest and dates. Maybe we can finally get it arranged this year!?
The comp starts next Saturday, so let’s build momentum during the week and get as many people involved as possible.
Cheers
Merc
PS – the admin team is looking at upgrading the website and automating the tipping results to create a better user experience. That’s unlikely to occur this season, but I am excited for the future!
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